Affective Porn – Blowjobs

It has taken me a fair while to figure out how to write this blog post based mostly on the fact that it was a random thought that gave rise to the idea and I am still contemplating if this will wind up as a series of articles exploring how pornography affects our sexuality.

Did the excessive amount of blowjob content in porn lead to my desires to give blowjobs myself?

I didn’t explore my bisexuality until after my 18th birthday, it was with a friend I had known for years, and we didn’t even think about each other sexually until one evening when we were discussing porn via MSN Messenger (yes, that’s how old I am) and the topic of blowjobs came up, because all porn those days seemed to be filled with multiple young women all sucking dicks. I casually suggested that it looked like fun and wouldn’t mind trying it out one day. I think the protection offered in text-based chat offered us both an opportunity to follow the idea further than we would have done in a face to face situation and shortly after that simple conversation we had our first awkward porn session.

I say awkward in an exploration way, I’d seen porn with other people in the past but it was more of a jovial event, just watching the odd things done in porn, joking and having a laugh with the boys, but this time we were there watching it with the knowledge that it was a shared interest and one that could, and would, go further than just looking at all those breasts.

The early 2000s were not kind to horny adolescent boys, we had the internet but often it was slow, we lived at home with our parents, and rarely did we have a computer in our own room. The videos we did find were via the virus ridden KaZaa, IRC, and burned CDs that circulated the lower classes at school. It was mostly pictures, highly compressed JPEGs and 16-bit colour GIFs that supplied us with our masturbatory fodder. We we at that transitional stage between dirty magazines and digital media.

As it was, he had his own computer, in his own room, which happened to be a basement so his parents were unlikely to hear anything or visit unannounced, the staircase made sufficient noise as people approached. That first afternoon sitting there, his hand on the mouse, giving a guided tour of his porn collection as we both sat there, fully dressed, commenting in whispers, boners trapped within pants with the occasional rub to further heighten the sexual frustration, it was an awkward experience. We didn’t even get undressed, it was a case of hands down pants, rubbing until close and then going to his bathroom to “finish the job”.

We had a few more sessions like that, our comfort levels increased to the point where we would actually unzip pants and get a handle on things but orgasm was still done in private. I had vivid memories of the porn we watched, it was usually vanilla things, lesbians, blowjobs, doggy style sex with over the top moaning.

One afternoon we had been watching a lot of blowjob clips, hearing the way the women moaned, the way they looked so excited to do it, I remember turning to him and muttering something along the lines of, “That looks kinda fun, mind if I try it?” I don’t really remember what he said but he swivelled his chair around, adjusted himself as I got on my knees between his legs, and for the first time ever I leaned down to experience my first ever penis. The musky scent of his arousal filled my nostrils. My mouth was suddenly drier than a desert, I gave it a few nervous licks, sucked it into my mouth a couple of times, then got incredibly shy and returned quickly to my chair.

On my way home I thought more on it and realised that I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and I knew I wanted to do it again and do a much better job. I was also feeling rather conflicted. Was I gay? Well I knew I wasn’t gay as I had a girlfriend and I LOOOOOOOVE boobs but I knew I wasn’t straight as I rather enjoyed sucking his cock. It took me years to finally put a label to my conflicted feelings. I was bisexual, neither straight nor gay but a very happy combination of both.

In the years since I have always wondered, “Did all the blowjobs in porn ‘turn’ me from the straight and narrow?” Was I always bisexual and just didn’t realise it or did it just help me get into a situation where I was able to explore and learn that I was? I don’t have a definitive answer for that yet, and I don’t think it would matter anyway, being bisexual is fantastic, if not a little complicated some times.

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