This is a short post that doesn’t focus on going through IVF but is more of a guide of what to do if you happen to know someone that IS going through IVF. These aren’t hard and fast rules but as someone that is going through IVF these are the things that I wish people had of done.
So you know an infertile couple, now what?
Finding out that you aren’t going to be able to have children the normal way is a depressing moment. It doesn’t matter if it is his problem, her problem, or a combination of problems, the first thought that runs through your head is, “Why me, how do we get the child we want?” And at that point the similarities stop.
Everyone’s situation is different. There are parts that some couples have in common but that does not make them the same. And that is where other people get hung up. If someone tells you that they are going through IVF do NOT try to cheer them up with anecdotes of those friends of friends that you knew who went through it for 10 years, finally gave up, and then fell pregnant. That is a very rare occurrence and it assumes a LOT about the couple going through IVF. For some it isn’t physically possible no matter how much sex they have.
What do you say to your infertile friends?
The most appreciated response is a hug and offers of support and love. Don’t try and come up with alternatives, do not mention adoption or surrogacy, don’t mention your other friends who are also going through IVF, just shut up and hug them.
It is a crushing blow to a couple’s self esteem to find out that they can’t do naturally what most of the population can do. They’ve exposed themselves to you by revealing a very personal matter and more often than not they just want to know that they have your love and support. So don’t say anything, just tell them they have your love and support. A hug is also welcome.